Room Agreement

Writing a Guest Policy Everyone Can Live With

A guest policy is one of the few household agreements that’s genuinely awkward to write and reliably prevents months of tension. The parts that matter are notice, frequency, and what happens in shared space — and the single most important line is the one defining when a frequent guest becomes a resident who contributes. Agree it while nobody has a specific person in mind and it stays a neutral rule rather than a verdict on someone’s relationship.

Here’s how to have that conversation and what to put in writing.

Start from the actual principle

Two true things are in tension, and naming both makes the conversation easier. Your home is your home — having people over is part of living somewhere, not a privilege the household grants. And shared space is shared — a guest in the living room changes the living room for everyone, and a guest who is always there changes the household.

A good policy protects the first and manages the second. A policy that’s really an attempt to stop someone having a partner will fail, and deserves to.

The three numbers to agree

How much notice. Some heads-up is a courtesy, and “before they arrive” is the standard. A message in the group chat is plenty.

How many consecutive nights before it’s a conversation. Households commonly land between two and four. There’s no correct number; there’s only the number you all agreed to.

How many nights per month in total. This is the one people forget, and the one that matters — a guest who stays two nights at a time, twelve times a month, is living there.

Write the numbers down. Unwritten guest norms are the most reliably misremembered agreements in any household.

The specifics beyond the numbers

  • Where guests sleep. Their host’s room by default. Someone camped on the living room sofa turns a shared space into a bedroom.
  • Shared space and shared things. Can a guest use the kitchen, help themselves from shared staples, use the bathroom in the morning rush? Usually yes, and saying so removes uncertainty. Someone’s personal food or belongings — not without asking.
  • Guests when the host isn’t home. Most households prefer not: a guest alone in a shared home is a different arrangement, and the other roommates haven’t agreed to it. If you allow it, agree the conditions.
  • Keys and door codes. Handing a guest a key is a household decision, not an individual one. It affects everyone’s security and may touch your lease.
  • Noise and hours. Guests are bound by the household’s quiet hours like everyone else, and their host makes sure they know.
  • Mess, damage, and cost. The host cleans up after their guest and covers anything their guest breaks. Write that line down — it prevents the worst version of the deposit conversation later. See handling the security deposit between roommates.
  • Parties. A different category, and worth its own line: everyone’s agreement, in advance, with an end time.
  • The exception for family and distance. A parent visiting from another country for a week isn’t the case the policy is designed for. An explicit “longer stays by agreement” clause stops the rule forcing a silly conversation.

When a guest becomes a resident

This is the clause that saves households. Somewhere past the agreed frequency, a guest stops being a guest: they keep clothes there, they get post there, they use the utilities daily, they’re in the kitchen every morning.

Agree in advance what happens at that point. The fair answer is usually that the arrangement gets renegotiated openly — a contribution to rent and bills, and a household conversation about whether the arrangement works for everyone. Write it as a trigger, not an accusation: “If a guest stays more than X nights in a month, we discuss it as a household and agree whether they contribute and how much.”

Two things this clause is not:

  • It’s not permission to install a new roommate. Adding a person to a household is a decision for everyone, and it very often needs the landlord’s consent too — what your lease says about occupants and how long a guest may stay varies by lease and by local law, so check the actual document.
  • It’s not a reason to be unwelcoming. The clause exists so that the conversation happens early and calmly, while it’s still about logistics.

The full version of this situation, including how to raise it, is in when a roommate’s partner is basically living there.

How to raise it without it landing badly

If you’re writing this policy at move-in with no specific person in mind, it’s easy. If you’re writing it because of someone, make the neutrality real:

  • Raise it as a household policy, at a house meeting, not as a complaint at the end of a long day. See the 20-minute house meeting.
  • Say what the effect on you is, not what you think of the person. “I haven’t had the living room to myself in three weeks” is workable. “Your boyfriend is always here” is a fight.
  • Ask what would work for them, and apply the rule to yourself first. People defend rules they helped write, and nobody accepts a policy the proposer is exempt from.

The clause, in plain words

Adapt this for your roommate agreement:

Guests
- Guests are welcome. Give the household a heads-up in the group chat
  before an overnight guest arrives.
- No more than ___ consecutive nights, and no more than ___ nights per
  month, without agreeing it with the household first.
- Guests sleep in their host's room, not in shared space.
- Guests may use shared spaces and shared staples; personal food and
  belongings only with the owner's permission.
- No guests in the home without their host present, unless agreed.
- Guests follow the household's quiet hours. Their host tells them what
  those are.
- Hosts clean up after their guests and cover any damage their guests cause.
- Keys or door codes are not given to guests without household agreement.
- Parties need everyone's agreement in advance, with an end time.
- Longer stays (visiting family, someone between homes) by household
  agreement — just ask.
- If a guest exceeds the monthly limit, we discuss it as a household and
  agree whether and how they contribute.

Adjust the wording so it sounds like you. One note on scope: this is a household understanding, not legal advice. Your lease may limit who can occupy the property and for how long, and local rules on occupancy and on when someone gains rights as an occupier vary by location — check your lease and, if it’s becoming consequential, a local tenant advice service. See the About page for the full note.

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